Glory to God whose power, working in us, can
do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine:
Glory to him from generation to generation
in the Church, and in Christ Jesus for ever and ever.
Eph
3.20-21; BCP pp 61, 74, 103, 127
Millions of families over thousands of years have learned there are effective ways for adults to help children get more out of Church – and for children and adults to enjoy worship together. Instead of sending our children away during worship, or worse, boring or restraining them, we can engage them. We can raise our children to look forward to and participate in worship. Here are some ways that actually work:
Children need to be closer to the action! The closer to the front, the more engaged people are – especially children. (The farther back, the more easily distracted and likely to be bored. Always try to sit in the front row if possible, but no further back than the second or third row.)
Children should be seen AND heard! Encourage them to say and sing all the responses! Prompt them by whispering the responses just before it’s time to make them.
Teach them to sing the hymns! Children love it when their parents sing to them, but seldom get to hear their parents sing. Children also love to sing along with parents yet get few opportunities. Church can become an enormously special time for children that they look forward to every week, because they get to sing with their parents! Let your child stand on the pew next to you, so that you may share the hymnal together. Lean toward your child as you sing, so he or she may hear your familiar voice and sing along with you. Point out the words as you sing with your children.
Teach them to pray! Encourage them to pray aloud for their friends and relatives during the Prayers of the People. When they have an injury or a loss, encourage them to go up to the altar for special prayer and anointing from the priest.
Let them sit with their friends! Take turns. Invite your child’s best friend to sit with your family, this week, and let your child sit with their family next week.
Make church attendance a consistent expectation! Help your child learn that weekly attendance is the expected norm for your family. When on the road, always find another church to attend. Never skip! (Time flies for adults, but a week is a long time for a child.)
Let other adults help you! The entire congregation promised at Baptism to do all in our power to support these children in their life in Christ (BCP p 303). Let your children sit with other adults sometimes, who might enjoy teaching a child to respond, sing, and pray.
Participation rather than distraction! Instead of bringing toys and books to distract children from worship, encourage children to participate in everything.
Engage them in every way possible! Some children love to touch the Holy Water in the baptismal font, and sign themselves on the way in and out of church. Some children love to join choirs. Some love to play an instrumental piece during the prelude or offertory. Some love to straighten up pew racks before or after a worship service.
Make it Special! Take them to McDonalds for breakfast on the way to church or on the way home from church. Get them their own Prayerbook, and teach them how to use it. Get them their own Bible and read the Scripture for Sunday with them before Sunday. (Saturday night before bedtime is perfect, if possible). You can get the Scriptures for Sunday from our website. Go to the www.stmarkshighland.com/resources.html and select “Lectionary Calendar.”
Remember that this Stage in their Lives is Unrepeatable and Short! We only get one chance to teach little children the centrality of faith and worship to their lives. We will have the rest of our lives to focus on our own needs, but we have only a very few years to focus on their needs. Miss that one chance, and it’s gone forever.
Don’t Misapply Democracy! We wouldn’t dream of letting children decide whether or not to brush their teeth or attend school. Yet somehow we might catch ourselves saying, “I don’t want to force them to come to church, lest they resent it when they’re older.” Adults never say, “I refuse to brush my teeth or read books because they made me read when I was in first grade.” On the contrary, children who are not raised to brush their teeth or read generally do not begin doing so as adults. This hold true for church as well. Most children who do not attend worship every week, as the committed norm of their family, do not suddenly begin doing so as adults. Most adults who do attend worship every week did so as children.
Expect Children to be Children! When we expect children to be little adults, we frustrate them and ourselves. They are not little adults – they are children. When we say to a 5 year old “Act your age!!” we don’t really mean it. What we really want is for them to act as if they’re 50! But they’re not… they’re 5. Relax and let them act their age. We don’t permit children to scream or run havoc in any public place, but do remember they are only children.
Value Children as Children! The presence of children reminds us that we may miss the grace and serendipity of God if we take everything too seriously. Perhaps this is the very reason why Jesus told adults to be like children rather than telling children to be like adults – because our spiritual lives, our mental health, and our experience of worship are harmed when we take things too seriously.